Heart-Eyes
by Starry Nightengale
Summary: Wheatley's been acting a bit... strangely. More strangely than usual, anyway. And his fellow cores think they might have an idea why. (Androids. Musicalverse.)
"The first commercial airline flight took place in 1914; everyone involved screamed the entire way. China produces the world's second-largest crop of soybeans. The square root of rope is string-"

"Nobody cares, Four-Eyes…"

"JUPITER! Venus. Supernovas!"

"Oh for the love of–! Would you pipe down for just a second?" Rick was irritable enough as it is. They were between assignments, biding their time until the bosslady called them back to Her chamber for a report. In the meantime they were left with nothing to do but aimlessly wander the back halls of Aperture, and Rick was sure if he didn't find something to do– other than listening to Incoherent Nonsense FM in stereo, that is– he would go right out of his mind.

But still, he probably shouldn't have snapped at Spacey. Normally the little guy's head was too filled with, well, space, that it didn't really matter what you said to him. But when something did get to him, it left you feeling like you'd just kicked a small, fluffy animal. That was also orphaned. And had a terminal illness.

Rick stopped walking and turned to address Space, ready to apologize in case that was what happened– ah, Rick's words getting to him, that is, not the orphaned animal part– only to find him leaning over the edge of the railing of the catwalk they'd been traveling on, looking as if something below had caught his interest. Rick and Fact exchanged curious glances before moving to join him.

The track below them was empty, but as they approached they became aware of the sound of echoing footsteps, accompanied by a very… distinct voice.

" _Alright, I'm pretty sure it's this way– Oh wait no, it's not this way. My mistake. Hm…Okay it's definitely this way then_."

Rick rolled his eyes. Speaking of Incoherent Nonsense FM…

The android the voice belonged to came into view, followed closely by another familiar face. Familiar, though the cores were nonetheless surprised to see it. The test subject was chuckling at Wheatley's antics, though more out of friendly amusement than mockery. The Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device was still firmly in her grasp.

"Well I'll be," Rick murmured. "Thought for sure she woulda been turret fodder by now."

"Test Chamber 19 alone has been known to have a 89.9% fatality rate," Fact agreed. "The Central Core will be very pleased."

They were a bit higher up than the two escapees, so the latter failed to notice their presence. Or at least Wheatley did. If the lady had noticed them, she didn't give any indication, instead keeping her eyes on her inept guide. He pointed in the direction of a door a few feet ahead of where they stood. "Ah, see, there it is! The next chamber. Told you I knew where it was."

Rick could see Fact's unamused expression from the corner of his eye. There was no doubt in either of their minds that the Dumbass Core had been the reason the chamber was so hard to find in the first place. With him in the lead, it really was a wonder the lady had survived this long.

Neither of the two wanderers seemed to realize this, however. Wheatley's triumphant grin seemed to brighten by a few degrees as the lady smiled indulgently back at him. He turned to address her conspiratorially, beckoning her a bit closer. "Okay so it looks like there's five more chambers in this thread of the testing track, and then we can move onto Stage Two of the escape plan, alright? Think you can hold out that long for me, luv?"

The lady waved her hand in a way that seemed to say " _Piece of cake_ ".

"Brilliant! I mean, I know you can do it, obviously, but still it's- that's always good to hear." The gormless smile hadn't left his face. "You're doing a great job, by the way, for the record. Just thought I'd mention that."

The lady smiled bashfully with another hand wave, this one meaning " _Oh, go on_."

"No really! Total pro, you are, when it comes to testing." They'd continued walking and were now standing in the entrance of the chamber, which opened as it sensed their presence. Wheatley leaned against the circular doorframe in what Rick could only assume was his idea of a suave, casual pose.

"Shooting portals, leaping about– graceful, that's the word. Like- like a gazelle. Only instead of those horn things, it has, like, the wings of a- of a swan or something."

(The cores' palms met their foreheads in unison.)

But the lady didn't seem to mind. She chuckled again, and– to the befuddlement of their unknown audience– took Wheatley's hand and gave it a squeeze, before turning and crossing the threshold.

He made an odd sort of choked gasping noise, and watched her pass by him into the chamber with wide eyes. After a moment of seeming to be at a loss for what to say, he found his voice again and blurted out, "R-right! So ah… I'll meet you at the exit, okay? As usual. Right…" And then he too disappeared into the chamber.

A moment of confused silence passed between the three cores, now alone on the catwalk. It was broken by Rick.

"….What in the hell was THAT all about?"

* * *

Wheatley could kick himself. _'Gazelle'? Is that REALLY the best you could come up with, mate?_

It was hard enough for him to try and keep up any illusion of cleverness even under normal circumstances, but with her around it approached damn near impossible. Not that he blamed her, of course, it wasn't like she did it on purpose– he doubted she even knew she was doing it at all. But every time she smiled at him like that it just caused this… this _glitch_ , he supposed, in his mainframe. And it seemed this glitch's favorite pastime was finding new and creative ways of making him look completely daft.

However… he'd be lying if he said it wasn't worth it.

A Weighted Storage Cube clunked a few feet away, and from his vantage point safely on the sidelines of the chamber, he could see Chell deftly scoop it up in the portal gun's tractor beam to bring it to its intended objective. The sound of her longfall boots echoed off the walls and vaulted ceiling, and her ponytail swished as she strode purposefully towards the other end of the chamber.

A sigh escaped him. And it was quite a bit longer and dreamier than he would've cared to admit.

* * *

"Toldja," Rick muttered over his shoulder.

"Twelve," Fact agreed. Space nodded enthusiastically, his thumb in his mouth.

The three of them had made their way down from the catwalk and entered the test chambers from one of the maintenance entrances. Now they stood a few feet away from Wheatley and slightly behind him as he waited for Chell near the chamber's exit. As she portalled onto an elevated surface and activated a laser mechanism, they could see his eyes follow her, absent and glazed over. A lopsided half-smile lingered on his face.

Rick let out an incredulous huff of a laugh at the sight of it.

This… was gonna be good.

He cleared his throat– or rather, simulated the sound one makes when one has a throat and clears it– but Wheatley didn't seem to hear. He took a few steps closer and whistled sharply. Still nothing. Even standing practically right behind him and saying his name didn't get his attention. With each attempt, the two other cores behind Rick had to try harder and harder to contain their snickering. They all exchanged knowing glances.

Finally Rick turned back to Wheatley, and snapped his fingers inches in front of his face. "Hey!"

That did it. Wheatley let out a startled yelp and jumped a mile, before staggering backwards clutching the spot on his chest above where his heart would be if he'd had one.

The other cores exploded into laughter.

As Wheatley recovered, his expression changed to one of confusion and annoyance, directed at his fellow androids. "What'd you do that for, mate?! Thought I was gonna blow a circuit there for a minute! I see how it is, let's just sneak up on jumpy little Wheatley and give him the fright of his–"

"Hey," Rick said again, as his laughter finally began to taper off. "Calm down, would ya? We've actually been here tryin' to get your attention for a while now. You'da known that if you hadn't got yourself lost in la-la land over there."

Wheatley paused, his accusatory posture dropping and his eyes beginning to dart nervously back and forth. "Oh… ah… r-right, that. Sorry about that, don't really know- why that didn't, y'know, register. It's just that I was… I guess I was just really… deep in thought. Yes, very _very_ deep in thought, thinking about- y'know, escaping and whatnot."

"Oh, riiiight. _Escaping_ ," Rick nodded slowly, trying to keep a straight face. The other two stifled more giggles in the background as well. "That's what you've been up to, isn't it? You and the, ah, lady you woke up–"

"Chell," Wheatley corrected. "Her- her name is Chell. T-that's, ah, that's what it said in her file, at least. No last name, apparently, couldn't find that anywhere, but I'm fairly certain that Chell is at least the main part of her- of her name."

"Right, of course," said Rick slyly. "Y'know, me and the guys here were almost surprised she'd made it this far."

Wheatley seemed indignant. "Oh were you? Well, as you can plainly see, she did. Make it this far, that is. I don't think we'd be standing here talking right now otherwise. You should have a little more faith in her, mate, she knows what she's doing. As do I, for the record, I know how to… well, how to pick out test subjects who know what they're doing."

"Now don't that beat all," said Rick. "What happened to all that talk about brain damage you were makin' last time we saw ya?"

"Did-? I-I did say that, didn't I…." Wheatley mused slowly, fiddling nervously with his tie.

"Well…! I guess I was just _wrong_ then, wasn't I?" He said it with such conviction that the others actually took a step back. "Shouldn't be that surprising. Honest misconception on my part, considering the- circumstances at the time. But- but things are different now! Consider me officially silenced on the matter. 'Powned', as it were. I mean just look at her go out there! Does that look like brain damage to you?"

He pointed at Chell further out on the testing track, somersaulting through a portal after being flung from an Aerial Faith Plate. Rick gave a low, impressed whistle. Fact rattled off something about her speed and velocity, and Space clapped his hands and cheered.

Wheatley crossed his arms, grinning smugly. "Yeah, you see that? What'd I tell you, bloody amazing she is. Y'know she's been carrying on like that this entire time. Never seen a cleverer girl in your _lives_ , I'd wager."

"Is that right?" The smirk was evident in the adventurous core's voice, though Wheatley remained oblivious.

"Yep, lemme tell you, she is something else. One in a million." At the last statement, he threw another glance in her direction, finding himself sighing again. This didn't go unnoticed by his fellow cores, who promptly burst out laughing again upon seeing his adoring expression.

An expression which promptly vanished as he glared at them. "Alright, this is the second time you've laughed at me like that today. Can't say I appreciate it, just _what_ is so funny?!" he demanded.

"The Intelligence Dampening Core's behavioral codes have been simulating disfluency, dilated pupils, and a constantly fluctuating level of focus, in direct relation to the Test Subject designated 'Chell'," Fact explained. "In humans, these symptoms are commonly associated with the phenomenon of romantic infatuation."

"Solar Flares!" Space added helpfully.

Wheatley froze, feeling his coolant systems going into overdrive, and sputtered a bit. "R-romantic _what_ now?"

"It means you have a crush on her, ya dingus."

"IKNOWWHATITMEANSRICK!" he snapped. "But it's not true, not in the slightest! We're– I mean she's just– I-I don't know what put _that_ idea into your heads–!"

In answer, the three other cores all simultaneously tilted their heads to the side and imitated Wheatley's doe-eyed expression from before to the best of their abilities.

Even though there was no physical evidence of it (since he had no blood and coolant was clear), anyone would've been able to tell in that moment that Wheatley was blushing.

"O-okay, you've made your point," he mumbled, eyes darting about again. "B-but I, I still fail to see what's so funny about it…"

"'Cause you're pathetic!" Rick bluntly exclaimed. "Way you've been carryin' on, I feel like my processor could literally explode any second from the sheer concentration of second-hand embarrassment I am feeling seein' you like this."

"Aperture Science Personality Constructs that know better than to become enamored with human test subjects are superior to constructs that don't!" Fact added cheerfully.

"Oh, well…! Y- y'know what, why don't you just… sod off? Okay, maybe not the best comeback, but I think we can all admit you've kinda put me on the spot here. And I mean, regardless of who's 'enamored' with who– if it's even anybody! Jury's still out on that one, as far as I'm concerned– I don't recall anyone asking you lot to come in here and- and throw your opinions around. We're doing perfectly fine on our own, thank you very much. We're gonna get out of here, the two of us. And after that, for all I care you fellas can–"

He was suddenly aware of Space pointing urgently with one hand, the other one still in his mouth.

Wheatley paused in his rant and blinked at him. "Exactly what are you pointing at, ma-AHH!"

He felt a tap on his shoulder and jumped, yelping again. Fact and Space lost themselves in another fit of laughter as Rick grinned at Chell, who had apparently finished the test. "Well hey there, gorgeous. Now wouldn't ya know it, Walden here was _just_ talkin' about you–"

"It's _Wheatley_ ," said the eponymous android, picking himself off the floor. "And no I was not! Not at all, no talking here!" Chell turned to him with a curious look.

"…Well, obviously talking, yes, that was happening. And- and okay maybe _some_ of it was about you. B-but it was all good things, promise you that! See, I-I was just giving the fellas here a sort of look at what you can do. Y'know, like I said before– a lot of skill, and- and distinctly gazelle-like movements, on certain occasions. So that's all I was saying."

Even feeling the other cores' eyes on the two of them, he smiled warmly at her. "That, and… and how I know you're going to get us out of here. Isn't that right, luv?"

Chell nodded, and they shook hands.

"Right, you and me, just the two of us. Together."

She took a moment to return his smile, before pointing at the door of the chamber.

"Oh, right, we're off again, are we? That's- that's good. I'm pretty sure the guys here were just _leaving_ , anyway." He shot them a look. " _Weren't_ you, mates?"

"Oh yeah, sure," Rick said, winking. (Wheatley wasn't sure if he was winking flirtatiously at Chell, or teasingly at him, but he didn't like it regardless.) "You two… have fun now."

The lady nodded, a bit suspiciously. She hadn't removed her hold on Wheatley's wrist, and she pulled him gently behind her as she made for the door.

Space waved to them as they left.

"Honey is impervious to spoiling!" Fact called out.

As Wheatley and Chell left, the three other cores lingered for a moment in the empty chamber. Rick shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "Poor sap," he said, staring in the direction the two of them had gone. "He actually thinks this is gonna work, doesn't he? I almost feel bad for 'im."

"The chances of any plan created by the Intelligence Dampening Core being successful are less than 1.43% percent," the Fact Core spoke up again. "…Although, there _is_ a possibility that the lady's inclusion could bump this one's chances up to 1.67%. At most."

"It ain't the escape plan I'm worried about. I'm just hopin' he comes to his senses before too long."

"Black holes," said Space Core sagely. "Cosmic rays. Space."

"Uh… Right…"

Suddenly, a speaker over the cores' heads buzzed on. " _The Fact, Adventure, and Space Cores are needed in the Central Chamber_ ," it said.

"Welp, fun's over, boys," said Rick. "That's our cue. Let's move on out."

* * *

Wheatley's fans and coolant systems were finally beginning to return to their normal states. He still wasn't entirely sure what that was all about, to be honest. They'd talked about his being… fond of Chell like it was a bad thing. Or at least like it was something outrageous and unusual. Perhaps it was, he didn't know. All he did know was that she was the first being he'd encountered in a long time that didn't treat him like a nuisance, that she was brilliant and capable, and he was pretty lucky she'd decided to stick with him this long.

He knew he didn't make the best guide or protector, and she could probably get along just as well without him. But she'd made it pretty clear that she _wanted_ his company, his advice, his support. She made him feel like he was worth something. She'd given him purpose. And after they did get out…

…Maybe they were right. Maybe it was silly for an AI to hope for any kind of future with a human female. But as he felt her fingers tighten slightly against his wrist, he found that at least for now, he didn't bloody care.


End file.
